Americans and Their Abusive Relationship

I know, I know, I know ... it's very bad form to post political opinions on an arts and travel and unique special interests blog like this one. And I haven't in over a decade, so I am pretty good. But, we are in a most unusual time in our nation - in the world! - and I read this very short essay by the marvelous John Pavlovitz today. It articulates exactly how I feel about this issue right down to the last comma and period. So, I'm going to post it in its entirety here. I hope you read it, and take from it what you will. 

Americans Need To Get Out of This Abusive Relationship

August 12, 2020 / John Pavlovitz

 

Photo: Fresco/Getty

It’s heartbreaking to see someone you love in a toxic relationship: watching them be continually torn down and berated, treated with complete disregard, humiliated publicly over and over again—and knowing that despite how much damage has been inflicted, they will likely stay with their abuser, to their own detriment. 

There is a unique kind of helplessness when a human being is so blinded by their past hopes about what the other person would become, that they can’t see what they actually are presently; when they are so consumed with the story they’ve told themselves about the heart of their partner, that no amount of evidence to the contrary will be enough to convince them otherwise. 

They will be lied to and gaslit and injured—and still they will fiercely defend the object of their misplaced affections; perhaps because they do not see their own worth and imagine they will not find better, or because fear has paralyzed them into inaction, or because living this way for so long has left them unable to see another possibility.

When they are confronted by the efforts of well-meaning people, they will deny and rationalize and even lash out at the very suggestion that they are being manipulated, rather than face the possibility that they have been fooled by someone they misjudged and trusted. It is exhausting to try and help them extricate themselves from their own hearts, to show them how unhealthy this place is, to wake them up to their greater value.

Nearly 40 percent of this nation is in an abusive relationship with this President and they are the only ones who cannot see it.

He has complete contempt for them and yet they passionately defend him. They cut ties with those who attempt to reach them with the evidence of his betrayal. Though they are being daily devalued and damaged, they cannot see it through the intoxicating romantic haze of their Fox News, Evangelical, Great America back stories. They see those of us who oppose him as the enemy, when the truth is we care far more about them than he ever will—which is why we have to show up in November and help them see what they cannot right now.

This election is the chance for the sixty percent of us to rescue these people from this bitter codependence; to vote them into a safer and more stable place; to show them what it could be like if they were led by someone who actually cares for their well being, who actually works to strengthen the bonds between them and the people around them, who will not subject them to a continual toxic flood of intimidation in order to keep them close and retain their affections. 

Whenever someone finds their way out of an abusive relationship, you watch them blossom: you see them embrace the wide-open life that has always been waiting for them, and they get to see themselves and the world with new eyes. Like a mighty Phoenix rising from the suffocating ashes of something that was far less than they deserved, their spirits are reborn—and they wonder how they ever let themselves be treated as anything less than beautiful. They find real freedom.

I so want these people around me to experience this, for them and for the America that I share with them. We all deserve far better than the oppressive, violent, fractured place we now live in, and until they see that we’re stuck here.

The best of who we could be as a nation is not possible while they are tethered to something so destructive and injurious, and the greatest gift we can give them is to save them from themselves.

That’s what’s at stake in this election: everything.

I agree with so much in this piece...as I almost always agree with everything he writes. His columns speak for me so often - and I'm sure for many others.

I really want him to be my best friend!

 I would love to read your comment about the essay, if you have one. However, stand forewarned, though I have no issue with differing opinions, I will just delete anything that is abusive or ugly.

Now, go make something beautiful!

¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*´¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´) Tristan

John Pavlovitz is a writer, pastor, and activist from Wake Forest, North Carolina. In the past four years his blog Stuff That Needs To Be Said has reached a diverse worldwide audience. A 20-year veteran in the trenches of local church ministry, John is committed to equality, diversity, and justice—both inside and outside faith communities. In 2017 he released his first book, A Bigger Table. His new book, Hope and Other Superpowers, arrived on November 6th.

Press

Chicago Tribune
Anti-Trump pastor John Pavlovitz doesn’t want thoughts and prayers; he wants hope and action

Billings Gazette
Former megachurch pastor visits Billings, makes appeal for more kindness amid disagreements

Chicago Tribune
Just in time for Thanksgiving, instructions on building a bigger, more inclusive table

Indy Week
How Raleigh’s John Pavlovitz Went from Fired Megachurch Pastor to Rising Star of the Religious Left

Religion News Service
John Pavlovitz, digital pastor of the resistance, pitches a bigger Christian tent

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