Tuesday, April 13, 2010

An All-New and Improved Blog Update!

I'm so glad you came for a visit! Pour yourself something yummy and let's chat and dish and snark to our heart's content! I have so much to show you today!

You know, sometimes pants look like they’re too tight, occasionally to the point of discomfort. Really, don't these pants look like they have an active vendetta against their owners?

I'm not exactly sure what I was looking for on the Martha Stewart website. But, instead of finding the object of my search, I found this beautiful paper rose with tutorial. If you'd like to give them a try yourself, click here.
I would love to stay here during a holiday in Alsace. And I absolutely insist that my concierge wears that delightfully decorated wicker basket on her head!
Who knew the fight for gay marriage started so long ago?!

Um, okay. I know that my concern is supposed to be with Grandpa No-Shirt back there and whatever he’s got going on in his garbage bag of wonders. But I can’t help but be distracted by the fact that the woman in the pink bikini has breasts that are LITERALLY bigger than her head. It took me ten minutes to even notice that her friend is walking around in her underwear.

I loved my Spirograph when I was a kid! Did you have one? I remember needing many different colors of pens so I could be sure my designs were organized!

I have no clue whatsoever what this is...but I want it!

To sag one's pants is to remain vigilant to any disturbance in the force that keeps them precariously balanced around your person. I wouldn’t slip a Susan B. Anthony dollar into my pocket if I found it on the sidewalk, much less try to tote my Fiji Water around on my ass.
Elton's inspiration, perhaps?

These Art Nouveau brooches from the Paris Exposition of 1900 are collaborations between Art Nouveau designer Eugène Grasset and jeweller brothers Henri & Paul Vever. The butterfly woman is Henri Vever’s own creation.
Well-known jewellers since the 1870s, Henri and Paul Vever broke new ground at the Universal Exhibition of 1900 when they presented a new line of “artistic” jewellery alongside more traditional pieces. They asked the decorator Eugène Grasset to design the new pieces. Grasset, who was the author of the famous vignette on Larousse dictionaries: “Je sème à tous vents”, had trained as a sculptor, designed furniture, posters, stained-glass windows and ceramics and made a name as an illustrator.

My first thought was that Wolfman Jackass here gets his thrills strolling the beach and asking ladies to pose with him and his headdress from hell. But then I noticed that these women happen to be wearing fur bikinis, so they must be somehow involved in this tomfoolery. Fur. BIKINIS. Two words that do not belong together.

Perusing the multi-bazillion dollar mansion listings in Beverly Hills, I ran across this beauty. I love everything about these rooms. But, what took me by surprise was that this is owned by Nicholas Cage. Nicholas Cage of ConAir and Face Off?! Who would've thunk it?!

You knew that when your hipster friend Shireee (she insists on the third e) dragged you to some warehouse in a bad neighborhood for an “art opening slash spoken word performance slash flan tasting,” that it was going to be weird, but not THIS weird.

A magnificent peacock stringed instrument from 19th century India. Made of wood, parchement, metal and feathers. It resides in the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Okay, Okay, I get the point, already. I'll reform!!! I SWEAR!!!

"When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way. From your first cigarette to your last dyin' day!"
A page from Une Semaine De Bonte: A Surrealistic Novel in Collage. An inexpensive copy of this work by the legendary collage master is available here.
I just love this modern interpretation of de Bonte's work by Colette Calascione (2003). Unlike the original collage, this piece is oil on wood.

Before leaving, be sure to click the image below and go to the post to enter the giveaway for custom greeting cards! So far, Anne of el Milagro Studio is way ahead with the number of chances she has gathered, because she has had so many people say they were referred by her. But you can still catch up!

Oh, great! Now you've got EVERYBODY doing it.

Now, go make something beautiful!
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*´¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´♥ Tristan


Angelsdoor * Penny said...

I cannot tell you how much I enjoy your blog.. Always a belly laugh..
The paper roses, I saw a tutorial, wonder if it was the same one. Were these made from coffee filters and then painted? They are beautiful..
Those pants. All I can say is OUCH!
Thanks for the laughs!

Carol Q said...

fabulous - you provided my laugh for the day.

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

OMG. I can ALWAYS count on you dearest for my dose of joy for the day. I am sitting here on my prep hour after a noxious day with some disrespectful people, and I belted out a good one with these photos. You are priceless.....Anita

Lululiz said...

Some of the photos are just too hilarious, they had me in fits of giggles.
I LOVE the Art Nouveau brooches, they are exquisite.

peggy gatto said...

I think the gadget is to listed to the heart of a VERY BIG ANIMAL.....or maybe the babes with the extra large boozooms!!!!
I had a ball, thanks!!

Marsha @ Tattered Chick said...


I should probably post this comment anonymously, LOL, don't want my hubby reading it.

The one fella who lost his shorts reminds me of an incident that happended to my hubby, well, let me EXPLAIN LOL

He lost a LOT of weight. One day he was on the ladder in the backyard trimming the hedges. For some reason he resists wearing belts, well, as he was trimming the hedge, his shorts fell down to his feet.

If our neighbor had been standing in her kitchen window, she would have gotten a eye full!! (Maybe she did but is too much the lady to say so, LOL)


Unknown said...

Love the Colette Caliscione work!!!!! Its beautiful is so many ways!! Not sure what a Jet is? But the guy in the black T-Shirt seems to be enjoying the view!
Is there really a such thing as a Flan tasting party? So many images flash through my brain...!
Love the Art Nouveau brooch, so intricate w/moon stone? hands.
Thank You Tristan, for being you, and sharing with us.

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

OMG!! OMG!! I don't know which was better; your post or the comments!
I have to admit that *pink boobs the size of her head* sort of had me rolling, but then Mr. Wolfman and his Hairy Harem kind of knocked the knockers out for top laugh.......and then there was the drawers about the ankles....so, why bother??? :D
I am sooooo glad I'm old and can laugh at this stuff, and not think it's anything remotely close to fashionable!
You are a gem, the bright spot in my day Tristan!


jaz@octoberfarm said...

how can someone not know what a jet is? i bet they are young? this post is hysterical. where do you find all of these pictures? what a hoot!

Anonymous said...

Hey! My breasts are bigger than my head (by choice too) haha. What a fun post!

Deborah said...

LoVe the staircase! OOooo would I have happy thighs. Seriously, just how big can they make those things before they explode in a hot tub? Thanks for the giggles.
**blows kisses** Deb

Cape Cod Rambling Rose said...

This one is an overload of funnies (and some nasties, too)! lol

Sue said...

Tristan, love the combination of beauty and bitch in your posts! LOL

Thanks for the link to the paper rose, that is really awesome.

Also very awesome is the art nouveau pieces and the collage piece by Colette Calascione. Not so awesome are the droopy drawers and Mr. Wolfpimp and his two hair-lets. AND - those painted-looking pink pants? Your comment is awesome! LOL



Unknown said...

Trisiten I come by often and never commnet .How rude I am sorry. So today I am commneting that your blog and the way you see things is such a delight to us all!!!But HMMM We artisitc peolple like the house of Nicloes Cage because it is "over the top" but I have a feeling he does not know it is over the top and so HMMM borders on HMMMM Well lets just say I am not sure her "gets it" and is trying to hard to take it seriously . what do you think??

Theresa MacNaughton said...

Hi Tristan! Hope you are well! Visiting with you always puts a smile on my face. :) Have a great evening. Theresa

Kaerie Faerie said...

thanks for the giggle, love the backside shots too funny
your fairy friend

Unknown said...

Tristan ,
Had to google Jet, who'da thunk there are sub-titles. Never too old to learn... : D


William Bezek said...

There was simply so much right and wonderfully wrong about this post that I cannot express it, except to say I laughed my ass off. I love the old timey gay marriage photo....as much as they want to hide it, we do have history!

Paula said...

great snippets and snappets of vagaries.

★Carol★ said...

Geez, you're a riot! I had to come out of lurkdom to say that. Actually I de-lurked when I entered your giveaway! And those red pants look very much like sausage casings!

Silke Powers said...

OMG, you had me laughing out loud. Thank goodness you broke up the hilarious photos with a few the had me gasping they were so beautiful. A true delight (and just a little scary). :) Silke

Malisa said...

OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! Those red pants have got to hurt! I feel like I've been on crack after this post! :)

Magpie's Mumblings said...

I simply had to tell you that I haven't stopped laughing at the mental image I had when I saw those red pants. One wouldn't want to (ahem) break wind whilst wearing them, would one? I'm 'quite' sure such a thing would be totally visible!! TOO funny!!

Debby said...

hehehe!!!! Another fun and entertaining post. I agree, ouch on the red pants.

Ingrid Mida said...

Whenever I want to laugh, I come here. How do you put together these posts???

Sea Witch said...

OMG, this is the best post ever! Love the jewelry,laughed outloud over the nutty photos of thongs and painted on pants, breasts and bellies. Such joy in your postings and I'm so glad you share. Sea Witch

Thornton Berry Shire Press said...

Ahh...I can't always count on you for a good chuckle! Hey, thx for the well wishes on Lisa oceandreamer's blog about me and my new beau! what fun!! luv ya, juner

Thornton Berry Shire Press said...

oh my..sorry, I meant to say, I CAN always count on you...glad I happen to reread this..I don't usually..later, june

Ann said...

gotta make me some paper roses!! those "painted on pants"..the back view was bad,but,my goodness,the front view must be downright painful to look at!!!!!!!!!!
the jewellery is beautiful..thanks for the tease!!..I want some!
funny thought..those fur bikini's..do you suppose they wax first?..ok.that was wrong,I know..but so are those bikini's!
As for the pink bikini boobies..how does she stand up so straight? she does wear her girls proudly!
thanks for such an informative and amusing posts! where do you find these pic's?

DVArtist said...

OK I am laughing so hard that Mike came out to see what was going on. Thanks Tristian.

Terri said...

Soooo Funny!!!
Thank you again for lifting me up with mirth.
I love the jewelry you showcased, and Nicholas Cage's house? I wouldn't have believed it.
Hugs to you!

ceecee said...

You mean you had a Spirograph but no Topophone? Maybe you can find one on E-Bay. Martha's Paper rose looks challenging. I might give it a whirl.

Unknown said...

Too hilarious!
I wonder how much longer Nicholas Cage will be able to live in that place? Such a beautiful place.

mo.stoneskin said...

There's a lot of juice here, too much to comment on entirely, but those red pants are horrific. But what I want to know is why the one on the right has no matching bag!?

yoborobo said...

Tristan - where DO you find these little gems? I think best breast shot (say that 5X fast) goes to the lady playing symbols. Holy cow, Batman. And for some reason, it didn't surprise me that Cage has a gorgeous house. :) Thank you, per usual, for all the giggles! :) Pam

Jorge de Rojas said...

Thank you again for exposing me to new ideas and imaginings (Bonte), but that last picture was just wrong, funny sad but wrong. LOL

Unknown said...

Okay dear Tristan, it is only 635am on a Wednesday hump day and you make me want to bang pots and pans in my neighborhood and wake the dead up and say...come look at this guys blog...a laugh for the day with beauty tucked in every corner. The worlds gotta love this Tristan dude.

Patricia Chapman said...

Thanks Tristan for this cornucopia of demented delights!

Beverly said...

Tristan, visiting you is a sure bet for a smile.

I am a fan of "pulled up" pants, my breasts aren't larger than my head, and I love the butterfly brooch.

Frieda Oxenham said...

I defintely needed cheering up today and this blogpost provided it in spades!! Thanks a million.

studioJudith said...

Tristan dear -
You have managed to gather some of the most disturbing butt shots ever gathered in one place .. .
along with plenty of other gasping moments!
I believe that Nic Cage staircase was the latest of his real estate woes to hit the auction block. That boy has had more than his share of foreclosures. If you're not a
RealEstalker fan already, you need to put her on your list.
She speaks YOUR language!


jaz@octoberfarm said...

i think that is a clark....i have a very short memory for these things. my head is always so in overdrive for the next thing that i barely remember what i did this morning! weird that way!!!

jaz@octoberfarm said...

ps...those are all candles/ i am candle obsessive though i rarely burn them. go figure. i can never figure out what looks worse....a half burned candle or one which has never been lighted? and i pot when i feel like potting...i am a baaaaad witch!!!

Shell said...

Your posts always leave me dazzled and laughing at the same time. Which to me is remarkable. Hey, I figure if Nic Cage has a house like that..he has to pay the bills with face-off, con air and the truly horrible ghost rider.

Trouvais said...

Well...as someone has probably already mentioned...no wonder they couldn't sell Nicolas Cage's house the other day! I'm also struck by the cohesiveness you manage to have on your blog posts despite the fact that almost nothing goes together! You remind me of those acrobats that spin plates in the air whilst performing feats. You are quite skilled! Trish

Createology said...

Always educational and entertaining. I love the butterfly woman jewelry. I'm sure I could obtain one from Sotheby's or Christy's...if you could lend me some change. LOL Thank you for sharing so much. Happy creating...

Unknown said...

This post was so funny. I think that device maybe the first of those things they advertise on TV about helping your hearing and eavesdropping on conversations! I had a spirograph, I think it was a favorite Christmas gift. My sister was very neat and hers always came out better than mine.

Your posts are the best Tristan. A step down memory lane, a thought provoking mention and always a good chuckle.


The Joy of Nesting said...

Hello Kiddo,

I simply must have the Butterfly Lady!!!!!!!!

Pattie ;)
Mazatlan Mx

Karena said...

Tristan, too funny I can't tell you how much you make me laugh!!

Art by Karena

Maggi said...

So fun! If I had their butts, I'm not ashamed to admit I'd totally wear those pants. :P Actually, there's a whole buttload of butts in this post...lol. The peacock instrument and brooches are gorgeous!

Deborah said...

Just as funny the second time around. And disturbing. Between you and Anne, this day really began with some giggle. **kisskiss** Deb

Angela said...

I saw your comment on Tessa`s. as I am a German, though not really responsible, I still want to apologize. It is so sad not to have family memories in form of pictures etc. Apart from having to leave your home and all.
Oh, and I enjoyed your pictures! Her breasts were actually bigger than her head!

Meg said...

Your post is awesome....it made me laugh, and trust me, I needed that! I agree...those boobies were huge and definately fake!!

Nancy Malay said...

Too funny, Tristan!

Hope your weekend is marvelous!!


Alicia ~ time worn style said...

hmmm Nicholas Cage and chandeliers, not two words you would normally see together (unless Nic is swinging from one and I dont mind that image, especially in con air garb). Hilarious post and pics as always :0)) Now where's that fur bikini, I know its here somewhere...

rebecca said...

wickedly funny.
i wait, perched on a growing desire..
for a pet scan of your deliriously quirky brain!

come visit, i have just announced this years shrine project. your mini theaters, great inspiration for next year.

can you see the the wheels turning?

Anonymous said...

Ha Ha Ha! What did you think of Palin at Boston Tea Party! Geez!! 'Mr. Peabody's Way Back Machine' racisim etc...?!!!!. Golly I thought I was nuts! Nothing like shouting out! Hey! FBI follow us! Wow! Tea Party makes Flower Power movement in 70's mild..at least we were happily out-of-it!

In the Light of the Moon said...

Hubbys starting to get curious...what could I be laughing at so hard....you are truly wonderful!Hugs-Cat

Deborah said...

Love Nicholas Cage's house myself. If they couldn't sell it, wonder if they would let me have it??? Those pants were riotous! Thanks for the laughs and the treats as usual. You rock!!

Creations by Marie Antoinette and Edie Marie said...

Hello Dear One,
I don't know which print to comment on,but I will tell you the girl with the biger than her head boobies are ouragous and so are the fur people. I bet they smelled like real wolves...LOL.
The pants around the knees,well what is the world coming too.
N. Cage!!! Does he still have that mansion? They took several away for taxes.
I do love the peacock instrument.Of course i would...LOL.
I have several gay friends and I think they are wonderful and would make better spouses than some straight jerks I know.
Thank you Hon for the encourgement. I will keep trying to make it into the mags,
And how bout my pram ...Kool huh!
Kisses for you,
Marie Antionette

Cape Cod Rambling Rose said...

Hi Tristan... you know, I have a hunch that everyplace which has a gristmill claims it's the oldest one! lol There are people who have wedding photos taken at the herring run/gristmill here on the Cape (ewph! the smell! hope the brides get their gowns de-scented before packing them away)! ;)

ImagiMeri said...

Hi Tristan,

Did you notice the one woman in the fur bikini, on the left, was basically a skeleton???? Talk about anorexic.....sheesh! Nuttin' but bone with that fur!!!!


Rebecca Nelson said...

Eeeeee Gads. Not only am I on the floor laughing AGAIN but some of your pics really made me THINK!

Julio Muao said...

This was just too funny!!! I love the Flan tasting and Jets. Thanks for the big laugh Tristan.

Ulla said...

TRISTAN! I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD, CAN YOU HEAR ME! OH MY GOSH, WHAT A HOOT OF A POST! No one does 'New and Improved' better than you my dear! I truly adore that you don't take life too seriously and allow us into your fun filled world of delight!
Miss you too,

Nancy's Daily Dish said...

Hi Tristan, This is my first visit to your blog but definitely not the last. You are a riot...clever, witty and obviously quite talented. I have spent an hour perusing just this post and calling my hubby in every few minutes to look at the photos and read your captions. Some of these photos you've shared are feasts for our eyes...can't say that about the People of Walmart type pics...very funny... and gross though!

Thanks for sharing and taking so much time putting together a great post!

I'm off to check out some of your other posts. Following you too.

Have a great weekend!

Lovey said...

What in the world..? Where you find these is just well..so unimaginable! You are hilarious! Wish I lived close to you!